Satan's Destructive Influence

I have never experienced Satan's influence as strongly as I have throughout this struggle. He is tricky, deceitful, and destructive. If I miss my morning or night prayers, or reading the scriptures, he sneaks into my life. Little by little he creeps in his lies and tricks to tear me down. I know he wants nothing more than to destroy me, destroy our marriage, and stop us from starting an eternal family. All things related to procreation are a prime target to thwart the plan of God. I know that Satan will try harder than ever to tear you down in this struggle. He will try to make you feel not worthy, that you have no purpose, and feel discouraged. Discouragement is Satan's weapon of mass destruction. It is all lies! Your worth is so great. There are great things in store for you. Heavenly Father trusts you to endure this. Do not let Satan into your life. It is not a way to survive this. It is hard to fight this battle, and fight Satan. But I know that if you stay close to the Lord, He will make a way. He will make it feel possible. He will provide the hope, comfort, and peace that your heart needs. He will provide the ability to see a bright future. A way to feel happy NOW. A way to feel like you CAN do this. I know it is hard. And that it aches on so many levels. But turn to the Lord and keep Him in your life to allow the spirit as a shield against Satan. 

I love this saying by Elder Uchtdorf. I remind myself of it daily. It is very powerful.

"I am doing a great work, and cannot come down".

Don't let Satan tear you down!

Never Judge

Today my visiting teacher came over. The message she chose to share with me from conference was.....wait for it...."We are not supposed to delay having children and starting a family". Wow. Are you serious? I had spent my morning feeling very heavy hearted with my situation. Trying very hard to be strong and not let the holiday season get to me. When she said that, and continued on with what a blessing and privilege  it is, and how it is fulfilling our Heavenly Father's Plan, I lost it. My blood began to boil. How dare you judge me. How dare you just "assume" we don't want children. How dare you think this is even any of your business anyway! I think our "culture" can be so incredibly judgmental. You have no idea what is going on behind closed doors. You have no idea what mountains and hills people are trying to climb. You have no idea the amount of pain someone feels. Never ever judge. Period.

The Lord Has a Plan For Us

Today I went to a Graveside Ceremony. A sweet colleague of mine, lost her baby. She had a healthy, full term pregnancy. Everything looked great. She went in to have her baby right on schedule. Her baby was born not breathing. They could not revive her. They lost her. My heart yearns for this family. I can't imagine being that close. Planning and awaiting for this special day to arrive, to then have it all taken from you in an instance. To look at that sweet little body, and know you will not share that life with her. You will not see her take her first steps, say her first words, or send her off to her first day of school. Well, at least not in this life...What a heart wrenching pain. I could not stop staring at that little teeny tiny pink casket. It broke my heart. Their bishop gave a beautiful message. He talked on how hard it is sometimes to understand the Lord's will. But in due time, maybe not even this lifetime, we will understand. There is a plan. There is a reason.

The Lord loves us. He wants us to be strong. He wants us to have compassion. He wants us to feel joy. He wants us to have unwavering faith. He wants us to grow. He wants us to become more like Him. None of those things can happen without trials. Without sorrow. Without opportunities to be refined. It can hurt. And ache. And make absolute no sense. But it is for our growth. I know that if we remember that the Lord has a plan for us, we will make it through whatever life throws our way. Staying close to Him is the only way to survive life's struggles. 

I love this quote. It gives much comfort. "It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It all works out in the end. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us. If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers."

-Gordon B. Hinckley

Struggles

My dear sweet and wonderful mother-in-law just dropped this poem by in a beautiful frame. I already treasure it. I had to share the poem because it has such a great outlook on struggles we face in our lives. 

Struggles

One day a small opening appeared on a cocoon, and a man sat and watched for the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making an progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and could go no further.

So the man decided to help the butterfly, he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily, but it had a swollen body and small shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.

Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It was never able to fly.

What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If God allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as we could have been. We could never fly.

I asked for Strength.....

And God gave me difficulties to make me strong.

I asked for Wisdom.......

And God gave me problems to solve.

I asked for Prosperity.........

And God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.

I asked for Courage..........

And God gave me danger to overcome.

I asked for Love..............

And God gave me troubled people to help.

I asked for Favors...........

And God gave me opportunities.

I received nothing I wanted,

I received everything I needed.

A Thankful Heart

I think no matter what circumstances we find ourselves in, we can always find deficits. Someone always has bigger or better.  Although my current deficit feels like a pretty major one, I still am so incredibly blessed. I am choosing to look for the good in my life this Thanksgiving season, and be happy for all the ways I am blessed. Sometimes we find ourselves in situations where our attitude is all we really have. We have no control over what life throws our way. But we can control how we react to situations, and can make life as miserable or wonderful as we want. It kills me to hear and see women complain about their lack of sleep due to their new little bundle of joy, or say how bad they hate that baby fat their trying to work off...or so forth. I would kill for those to be my problems! It just goes to show that no matter what we have, we choose if we're happy. We can have all of life's most perfect and amazing blessings, and still choose to be miserable. It is easy to focus on the pain, or on how EVERYBODY else seems to be pregnant, or how badly we feel we deserve this. But what kind of life will that lead you to? A depressing, terrible, and unbearable one. Trust me I've been there. But not anymore. Because I CAN be happy NOW. Yes I might not be a mother, and want to so badly, but I AM a wife, I AM a member of an amazing church, I AM a developmentalist, I AM a primary teacher, I AM a friend, I AM a sister, I AM an aunt, I AM so many other wonderful things that can and should bring such joy. I am spoiled with blessings. And I am going to choose to be happy. I can. It is in my hands. I hope we can all try to have more thankful hearts, even when we do not like the current situations we are in.